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WARMTH LIKE HOME UNAWARES
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Thaao Hanshew
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2020-01-26 01:58 am

~ Currently Playing ~
UNLIMITED:Saga

~ Currently Watching ~
Star Trek: The Next Generation

~ Currently Reading ~



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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-22 11:41 pm

I got unsaga kr todayyyyyyyyyy. I was not expecting it for a while. I was looking on ebay to see if anyone had pictures of the inside of the Scarlet Grace book, and stumbled upon the Korean version of unsaga for like... $6, so I had to get it.

It came today unexpectedly and I've been playing around in it and taking screencaps to show comparisons and stuff, as well as took some quick photos of the physical stuff, too.

Though the first thing I want to mention is the Korean version has KOREAN VOICE ACTING. This was really surprising -- other Korean games I've played had English voice acting, or in more rare cases, no voices or Japanese voices. But they actually recorded Korean voice for this game! That's awesome!

If you don't know, Japanese products were banned in Korea for quite a while after the Occupation (understandably), so Korea didn't ever really get TV video game consoles until the ban was lifted, so the first game consoles there were the PS2 generation. But even then, attitudes toward Japanese stuff was still pretty negative, so a lot of games took localization assets from the US versions, like voice work, so the games wouldn't have Japanese content.

And around this time, the practice was pretty common, especially for Square games. Final Fantasy X and X-2 had English voices in the Korean version, and those came out around the same time as UNLIMITED:Saga (the US and EU versions come with FFX-2 previews.)

Anyway, Korean voice acting is super cool and I was really excited about this. I wasn't expecting it AT ALL, so the fact that a game like UNLIMITED:Saga got special treatment (though probably just because it doesn't have a ton of voiced lines overall) makes me pretty happy.

I recorded a video of all the characters' introduction scenes so you can hear the voices. Henri's voice is deep, which is super weird.

Anyway, time for a bunch of pics!

physical media stuff!Collapse )

And that's about all I have to say about the packaging. Now to talk about the game itself!

game stuff!Collapse )

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-22 04:05 pm



So, there's this promotional event with Yahoo! Games Japan right now where you get these like 'tickets' for playing games and then can turn them in for 'tokens' (a random amount) and then put the tickets toward raffles, and one is 11 character tickets for Imperial SaGa, so I'm participating.

It seems like you might be able to earn more tickets for playing more games, and one of the suggest games was called Dragon Quest: Monster Parade, so I figured I'd try it out.

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-22 10:21 am

I had the weirdest dream last night lmao.

Uh as a precursor to this, since I've started my current medications I've had like... almost no sex drive at all. Which I don't mind, because usually it's a nuisance more than anything. I still enjoy thinking about and looking at sexual content and sexual stimulation but like... I just don't have the like... natural urge anymore, which means I can just like... enjoy sexuality leisurely instead of like... as another bodily function or whatever?

But it also means I've been not thinking about sex nearly as much nor as randomly, so of all times to have like... a sexual dream (if you can even call it that) especially after getting Scarlet Grace book and like having a whole day of like... SaGa stuff (because pretty much all I did yesterday was play UNLIMITED:Saga and look at UNLIMITED:Saga videos and a little bit of SCARLET GRACE and then look over the book a lot and like... yeah like SaGa all day XD

Anyway, THE DREAM. There's not a lot to it, but basically I had a dream about like... finding porn online LMAO which despite being something that I do a lot is not something I ever dream about.

And in this dream I found like... this ... comic??? (And there was also like... idk a thing where you could turn it into a flipbook and it animated or something idk, I can't even explain it because unlike most dreams this one was kind of non-linear even though it was all just... sitting at the computer)

And the comic was like about this uh... alien creature that this family just... discovered in their house. It was kind of like... humanoid bug kind of thing, thing like... Genesect shape but less robot/cartoon and more like... actual bug features. But that kind of like... posture and size XDDDD Well I don't know about size -- this thing was like... maybe 6.5 ft tall.

Anyway, it was just... in this family's like... house? There was no like backstory before this point. And like, something about it made like... the entire family want to have sex with this alien and they like... argued about what its various appendages and orifices were for LOL. Oh, the alien was also like... in some kind of dormant/sleeping/something state at first so they were just kind of like... inspecting it and stuff and... getting aroused I guess IDK lol. And it just led to like a family orgy with this like... big alien bug thing. Oh, and by family this was like... a mom/dad/son/daughter family LOL. And dad had pyramid mustache (and kinda looked like Thomas from unsaga, and really the entire family looked like unsaga scharacters, like it was like... Tom, Becky, Henri, and Michelle pretty much LOL but more like... realistic and modern and not like... fantasy animu lolllll.

But yeah in the dream I was like WOW THIS IS AMAZING GREATEST THING IVE EVER SEEN or something and like... accidentally closed the tab and then was like... struggling to find it again because I had just stumbled upon it after clicking links from links and had no idea how I got there (and like... forgot that browser history exists) and like... because this was non-linear dream I kind of jumped back and forth between seeing scenes from this comic and like... the desperate struggle to find it again so it didn't really make sense LOL

And like I woke up very slowly and as I did, the dream started to become more realistic feeling and I also started to realize my own consciousness, and I started to wonder if this was a comic I dreamed up or if this was an actual memory I was dreaming about, and started to get excited to like... actually go find the comic again and like... that woke me up fully LMFAO and I got up and made coffee and went to the bathroom and sat at the computer and started writing this but still kinda felt compelled to search for this comic even though after fully waking up I obviously realized it was just a dream thing.

... But I still Bing'd "alien incest family" anyway. You know, just in case. And a bunch of those like... really shitty CGI porn things came up and didn't even have aliens and I felt particularly let down even though I knew not to expect anything at all LOLOL.

SO UH YEAH THAT WAS MY DREAM LOL.

I guess I'll put this in the 'fetishism' tag since it talks about incest and... sex with a giant bug alien monster thing LOL.

And uh with my morning bowel movement, my hemorrhoids decided to get really irritated so that's a problem now LOL. Just thought you might like to know.

But I have coffee and about to do some calculus AND I HAVE SCARLET GRACE BOOK so all is good. I took another batch of Scarlet Grace caps off the Vita; there were about 400. Transferring them to Lappy is kind of annoying so I only do it now and then and then have a ton and sorting through them to make posts is kind of cumbersome lol.

Also, I was going to say my lappy's name, but I don't remember what it is? I think it's Tony Stark lmfao.

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-21 10:03 pm

SLKGLSKDJGLKSDJGKLSDG IT FINALLY ARRIVED



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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-20 10:12 pm

So, getting TokiMemo3 to run in the emulator was pretty exciting, so I'm thinking of doing a TokiMemo Play Diary soon. Like, after I finish one or two of the SaGa games that are going on right now (like, the current playthroughs, not the WHOLE thing).

TokiMemo is a VERY short game -- you can clear it in 7-10 hours usually. It's meant to be replayed over and over. So I'll probably try to shuffle them in between SaGa plays or something? It wouldn't be too terribly hard for me to finish a whole playthrough's diary in a single week or something.

But I'm curious what game people would want to see the most.

The ones I'm considering doing first:



Tokimeki Memorial 3 - My personal favorite, as well as the least popular of all the games lol. It's kind of the UNLIMITED:Saga of TokiMemo in a way. Um, a very vague way. It has a lot of unique systems that you don't see in the other games. It's also pretty ugly, though. The 3D models looked kinda cool when it was new, but the end result was a bunch of creepy-looking clone girls with different hair. They're even all the same height! I still love it anyway, though, and it has great characters. I've even cried at this game!! I've gotten about half the endings, but the other half, I haven't seen yet.



Tokimeki Memorial 4 - The newest game in the series, and definitely the most polished and fleshed out, too. Lots of content, great characters/stories, and some interesting new mechanics which include a sort of New Game+ feature that was sorely missing from the rest of the series. I can't get it to run perfectly in the emulator and have no other way to screencap my PSP, so it might have some minor graphical glitches similar to UNLIMITED:Saga's when I started those diaries.



Tokimeki Memorial Girl's Side - The first of the Girl's Side series, which is a spinoff series where you play as a girl character and date boys. This is up there with TokiMemo3 for me as a fav, and while there are more games in the Girl's Side series, I always come back to this one because I love the characters too much. The GS games don't have as interesting or developed characters, IMO, as the 'normal' series, but they do have some unique gameplay systems, are super cute, and have great art and stills, and the characters are still great even if they're more static.

Those three are the ones I'm considering. I maaaaaybe would do the first game if there was enough demand for it. It's not bad but it feels very lacking in content compared to the newer games, so it hasn't aged all that well. But it might be interesting to see where it started from the beginning.

I don't have the 2nd game, actually.

And if I do GS, there's also the question of playing the PS2 version or the DS version. I want to do the DS version because I've already 100%'d the PS2 version, and the DS version has more content and features, but it's also... ugly because it's a DS game. Hard-to-read text, obnoxious split-screen CGs, low resolution... It's probably worth all the extra content, honestly, and I have played it quite a bit, but I like playing on the PS2 because I like having the nicer graphics and music, as well as the anime intro thing.

So if anyone would like to see any of the three of these, let me know.

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-20 09:01 pm

It seems like Yun has deciphered another part of the tablet, so we head to Loch Vaan to see what's up.

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-20 03:11 pm

After finding Jupiter's Anvil and Behemoth's Chain, Yun still needs some time to decipher the Metal item on Iskandar's rainmaking tablet, so we're off to do some more shopping and subadventures to hopefully grab some more money and items.

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-19 10:01 pm

With access to four new towns and the fact that Pharr comes with Artiste (the skill that unlocks the additional inventory in shops), we're now able to do a lot more shopping to look for the items on our list. Stuff like Cotton, Cedar, and Copper are pretty easy finds, and I try to pick up the cheapest bestial stones I can, while ignoring the more expensive ones (since I figure I'll have plenty of opportunity to find cheaper ones later, or just buy them at a premium once I have more money).

So we were able to add a ton to our list!

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-19 08:18 pm

When we last left off I had failed miserably trying to finish several quests. I finally did get one out of the way, and moved on to Regal Lion's Treasures, which I was able to get through, but ran out of turns near the end.

Avoiding letting the orb get warm while I try to open chests so I can put it in all three slots properly and quickly this time, we're able to clear the adventure pretty easily.

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-19 11:10 am

So some excited news in the world of emulation hahaha. Well, for me at least.

I was messing around with the graphics plugin for PSCX2 a lot last night and this morning and I fixed two major things!

Firstly, I fixed the sprite tearing issue in UNLIMITED:Saga, so now the screen looks like what it's actually supposed to look like! No more weird lines on the text boxes in town or in battle, no more black lines outside of characters while they animate sometimes, and best of all, no more "cracks" between spaces on the map!

But the most important and cool thing...



I got Tokimeki Memorial 3 to actually run! I have to use software rendering which means poor lappy is going to work a bit hard, but it's working! Before, when a character was on the screen (which is like 80% of the game), the game would slow to a crawl and really have trouble rendering the characters. Instead of seeing Makihara like above, you'd see like... a fragment of her hair and then like... the 256th stage of Pac-Man.



Everything seems to render properly, though I didn't actually get into the life-management part of the game -- I just talked to Makihara and quit. But the management part of the game is a lot simpler and I really doubt it will have trouble rendering -- it's just some sprites. Doesn't require any kind of shading or alpha or anything.

But before I couldn't even get past the Makihara part because the game would glitch up so badly trying to render in PCSX2.



I got Shinjo as my 'Sakura Girl' at the beginning :) I love every character in this game lmao. Even though they're all just like... the same model with different hair XD

Anyway, stuff is kinda blurry, but I have to keep it blurry to use blend interlacing, or else the game will shake the entire time.



There's a lot of motion blur in the 'cutscene'-type animations, but these are pretty few throughout the game. Pretty much it's the opening theme, and each girl has like a few throughout their story. And some of them won't have a lot of movement so it shouldn't be too much of an issue.

But it's better than what the game looked like before:



The cutscenes looked like this at the best I could get them before. And the cutscenes looked better than anything else, too, so imagine if this was the best I could get the game running lmao. And while it was making everyone mostly disappear, the game would slow and the audio would get all messed up.

It was all just a problem with the rendering, though. There weren't any actual audio problems or whatever.

So now the game plays pretty much exactly like on the PS2 it seems. Well, at least the talking parts. Which is most of the game. And it's actually blurry on an actual PS2, too, so this looks a lot like how it looks on my PS2, which is awesome.

I can't tell you how happy I am about this, because I really love this game and have wanted to share it for a while, but without my capture device, I'm limited to like... taking pictures and video of my TV with my phone which is ... not good LOL.

I'm not going to start it right now or anything, but I'm just glad to know I can get it working now.

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-17 07:58 pm

Sooooo this week has been pretty bad but not bad just like... I'm so exhausted now.

On Monday I had appointment with new psychologist. He is a nice guy and I was very comfortable with him. He doesn't make eye contact and is pretty blunt and those things are easy for me lmao. He also looks like egg (in cute way). I think I talked about this already because I remember saying the egg thing.

Then on Tuesday I had to make a phone call which as always is like an ALL DAY EVENT and is bad.

The phone call I made on Tuesday was for a thing I had to do on Wednesday -- well, I didn't have to do it on Wednesday, but I knew I would just worry about it until I did it, and I was already at the laundromat (at like 6AM so there was no one there) and I was already awake and able and stuff and idk it was just a very good opportunity so I just made myself do it, which was VERY HARD but I did it.

Anyway, the Wednesday thing was getting registered for therapy and getting a psych evaluation and this place -- it's this place that I wasn't very comfortable about before because their website refers to patients as "clients" and they have testimonials, and they seem like ridiculously focused on like... making the "clients" get jobs. Like if you hid the name you would 100% think it was an employment agency...

Anyway, so I felt like that is not really a proper environment for getting better because I was worried they'd like... just push for you to work and try to find ways for you to work and not focus on like... the actual problems you're having?

But uh it actually wasn't like that but uhhh the website still gives me that feeling and I still don't like how they call patients "clients" (they do this in the facility too??) but when I actually went there they were like... not all about jobs lol.

Anyway, on the like... paperwork they had a like 'assigned sex' and 'gender expression' part so that was cool. The gender expression had like... male and female and then like a blank so I wrote nonbinary in the blank, idk if that is what it was for so *shrug*

OK so let me tell the story about the place though.

When I went in, the person on the phone had told me I'd need to go to a desk that's immediately on the right. And I knew I had to talk to 'access services' or something. And when I got in there, there was a desk to the right called 'access services' and there was no one there. So I figured I'd just wait for someone to come.

Well, this wasn't the desk I was supposed to go to and no one even uses that desk I guess??? So I was just standing around for like 20 min lol ;;;; and uh there were a lot of people in there.

While I was standing there a guy came up to me and asked me if I liked the Colts, then asked me if I was bipolar. When I said I was here about anxiety he apologized because he might be scaring me and told me he loved me (but he wasn't IN love with me lol) and that everything would be okay.

I said thanks lol.

Anyway that made me about die and then I finally went to one of the check-in windows (but I had to wait until everyone in the building was sitting down, which took a while LOL) and asked them what I was supposed to do and they were like uh you were just supposed to come here lol X_X

Anyway, so then I did the paperwork and like, part of it is a little survey like "do u want 2 b ded" and stuff and like, then I had to go to some office with this woman who like... entered it all in the computer... but I was like... not filling out the rest while she was asking me questions and like she thought I needed help and I was trying to explain that like... I just can't switch tasks like that like I can either answer her questions or do the paperwork but not both lol. But I was like so nervous that nothing I said made much sense.

Anyway I finally communicated and she like said she wouldn't ask any more after she finished all her things and let me finish in my own time so I finished it. And then like... I had to get a psych eval but they were already booked for the day, and were going to like... idk, tell me when to come back (like you have to get a walk-in psych eval before you can get an appointment with a therapist here, even tho I like... had a doctor's referral for therapy lmao)

Anyway, like... after looking over my like paperwork the paperwork lady like... called someone on the phone and was like "I have a high-risk client in here and need a doctor" lmao so I guess they like... didn't want me to leave until like... a doctor like calmed me down and told me who to call for suicide or whatever lmaoooo. And I was like hahah yeah I don't use phone. Except I didn't say it to them I just let them talk to me. And when the Dr came in I like... couldn't even introduce myself properly and they were like 'okay let's just calm down don't worry' etc lmao

Anyway like as all this was going on someone came in and was like "hey we have an opening suddenly" and the people were like "oh good thank goodness he needs it" LIKE IDK IT WAS KINDA WEIRD THEY WERE SAYING THIS STUFF IN FRONT OF ME LOL?? But uh like tbh it was kind of nice bc like... people were actually like... taking me seriously and caring??? And uh yeah idk that doesn't happen much LOL

(For the record Dens cares a lot but I also hide a lot from him bc I feel ashamed or anxious about telling him or whatever.)

Anyway, so then I got to have psych eval but they told me I'd have to wait 40 minutes. So I tried to play Scarlet Grace in the lobby but I couldn't concentrate on it and more just like... held my Vita and stared at the floor. And then like, some angry mother was running to all the different clerks and windows and yelling "this is bullshit" because like... she couldn't pick up her daughter's medication when 1. it wasn't her medication to pick up and 2. they aren't even her daughter's pharmacy so even the daughter wouldn't be able to pick it up there because they just literally didn't have it. And while she was yelling at all the staff she was also on the phone and yelling at someone about buying windows or something.

SO I WAS LIKE DYING LOL. But then like she finally went away and like, these two Korean guys came and sat next to me and were speaking Korean and I was like... trying to understand (uh, not to eavesdrop, but to test my Korean -- I couldn't understand enough to eavesdrop anyway LOL) so I could like, focus on that. But uh they were also filling out paperwork but like... one guy was translating it for the other guy but there was some stuff neither of them knew so they like... couldn't fill it out and said they had to come back later when they could like... bring someone who could understand it all and I felt bad for them.

Anyway then the psych eval person came and got me and she was extremely nice and comforting and easy to talk to so that was good, and I often didn't understand questions and had to ask for clarification or like... have her repeat it a lot and she was very patient so yay.

But yeah they ask like a million really specific questions and like... at the end like... give you a list of everything that's wrong with you LMAO. And like, it was pretty much the same list that Dr Nolan gave me on Monday so yay? Also they were like... telling me I have a history of trauma LOLL and I was like ummm are you sure LOL. And they were like uhhhh yeah.

Anyway then like she called someone on the phone to like... set up my first appointment, and like the whole purpose of the eval and everything is so like... they can set you up with a therapist who like... fits you. And like... she was just like "Yeah just give me anyone. I just need a name." And at some point she answered a question with "Male." And I was like UH MY THING SAYS NONBINARY AND I CERTAINLY DIDN'T SAY A PREFERENCE FOR MALE THERAPIST (in my head).

Anyway they got me an appointment for the very next day. And she like... asked me if it was okay, and that I could get one later if I wanted like... I guess realizing that's pretty sudden. And I was like no it's fine. Even though I really didn't want to because this was three days in a row doing terrifying things but I was anxious and like didn't say that but also I'm glad I didn't because like... I would have just been terrified for an entire week or more or whatever.

Anyway, so that was that and I had an appointment and went home lol.

Then so yesterday I had to go to therapy. My therapist's name is Val and he's like... an old beardly guy which is cool I guess. But I was like scared the whole time and like staring at the floor and like... trying to make eye contact sometimes but it was hard and like... for a while I think he thought I wasn't listening because I wasn't making eye contact but he didn't ask or say anything just like... would kind of stare at me for a while like... as if waiting for me to respond??? So I started like nodding my head the whole time lol.

Anyway he told me helpful things and it was actually very good (also he said I have history of trauma so uh LOL) but I was like scared the whole time and I think I made him annoyed or something lol. Also at this place they like... walk you everywhere like they don't like just tell you were to go they like... walk with you. Which is good and I like that because I hate walking around places I don't know.

Anyway now I will be going to therapy bi-weekly yay??? Hopefully I won't be so messed up next time and can actually like communicate properly lol. I also was like... mumbling or talking softly a lot I guess and he had to keep asking me to repeat everything loooollllll

Also for some reason we talked about my YouTube channel and Five Nights at Freddy's LOLLLL Well because I was talking about Clock Tower (The First Fear) because I said it had a phone sound in it and I couldn't deal with it and stopped playing XDDD And uh then he said his like grandson plays FNAF or something and I said that game triggers my anxiety and I can't play it but I think it's well-designed LOL. Except I don't remember why we talked about YouTube.

Oh yeah because he asked me what my days were like, like what a typical day was like and I was like... I wake up and feel bad a lot LOLLL. And I said that I eat and like... recently I've been writing these play diaries and then explained them and he asked if other people read them and I was like... uh at least one LOL and then mentioned my YT channel and said lots of people watched it lol idk.

ANYWAY so after all this was over I had had like... four days of things that are very hard for me to do and I was like... so exhausted and like... could barely even stand up and like... even sitting up was hard and I was like "Well, maybe I'll lay in bed and play Scarlet Grace and if I get sleepy I can take a nap."

I pretty much immediately fell asleep (I didn't even finish a battle in SG lol) and then slept for 14 hours straight and then when I woke up I felt even more tired and more exhausted and like... it was a struggle to move like... all my muscles felt weak.

I had corn flakes because I realized I hadn't eaten in a long time since I was sleeping for so long, and it was so hard just to like... pour them and eat them because my body felt so weak that after eating I just kind of like... tumbled to the floor and laid there for like... a couple more hours.

Then I finally got up and like... didn't have the energy to shower even though I was going to see Dens and was like super gross but I just... couldn't. So I like... just kind of sat around until he came and like. Things started feeling very surreal and I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or if this was real life or what.

Dens came and I went to his car and started to feel a lot better and like... explained to him how exhausted I was and he even said like... he realizes therapy is a private thing and won't ask about it but I am free to tell him anything LOL because he's usually very nosy about everything and will ask a ton of things and I die. So I was really happy about that and I told him some stuff and like... when I told him they said I had trauma he was like 'Yeah I don't think your childhood was good' and I was like wtf wtf and then earlier I had told my brother that they said that and he said 'I could have told you that' so I guess everyone else thinks I had a traumatic childhood and I just thought it was normal????????

Anyway we went to buffet and I like was ridic hungry and ate like 4 plates of food and two desserts lmao and then felt kinda sick and then we went to grocery and it was like... scary but I was also like... too tired to be anxious or something and got through it. Like, things were still feeling kind of surreal.

Then we got back to Dens place and I just lounged in chair and played Imperial SaGa lazily while Dens did coloring and talked to me and I started to feel a lot better over time. Then I like made up an excuse of why I wanted to take a shower because I was like... idk too ashamed to say I was just too exhausted even though I'm sure he would have understood and been fine with it lol. So then I took shower and after that I felt a lot better. I'm still kinda tired now but like I don't feel like super fatigued like I did for most of the day.

Anyway probably the most helpful thing (well, it seems helpful at least) that my therapist told me was a way to deal with getting anxious about getting anxious is just to accept it's going ot happen and think of how you don't really have to wait that long until it's over like... IDK it's hard to describe in words because he used example but like...

Basically you wake up feeling anxious for no reason and ofc that makes you more anxious and you're like omfg here we go is this going to be all day? Am I going to fail at everything? Will I even eat?

But instead of like... thinking like that just like... say to yourself like... okay these things usually last like half a day so we only have like 6 hr left I've done this a million times.

And like each time it seems to really bother you just kind of think about it like that. And like, IDK, I really think that might be helpful. Because sometimes I am actually able to "trick" myself into doing things by like... telling myself I don't actually have a problem and I'm just a faker. Of course it's a lie and I know it but like... this is actually not a lie and like... I really do have tons of experience getting through anxiety days so like... I think it might be helpful. I don't think it will just solve the problem of course, but like... I like the sound of it at least. Basically he told me a few like... self-care/coping things like that, and he had to like... redo parts of my psych eval because the person who did it before used like the wrong software or sth (idk).

I also wanted to bring up autism because I feel like it's always abrupt and people are just like 'uh no.' Actually when I talked to the psych eval person she was like... well I can't really say if you have it but that's a good thing to ask your therapist about. And I told her I have like sensory issues and stuff and like... no one things I can possibly be autistic because I like... am decent at having a conversation. Even though like I'm really not and I've just practiced a lot and have a lot of scripts lol. But yeah she said I had good points and should ask so I think I will ask next time maybe. Especially since like... my doctors have like... specifically wanted to focus on anxiety and were "ok one thing at a time" or w/e when I tried to bring it up but during the therapy session after the beginning stuff he just like... asked me what I wanted to work on and I was like IDK I CAN'T MAKE DECISIONS. But eventually I just said I want to be able to be alive without being scared all the time lol. And so he talked about anxiety stuff like... so I'm kinda happy about having a therapist like... it seems a lot more useful than a regular doctor or w/e. I mean, for this type of thing. Having regular doctors are useful for their own things and I'm not saying like Dr Marlin and Dr Nolan are useless; they've both been very helpful and useful and nice to me, I just mean like... there are things that you need therapy for and can't really get that from regular doctor lol.

Anyway so that was my exciting week and I still feel worn out but at least I don't feel like DEAD anymore. And I keep having like little bouts of anxiety but I think my brain is even like... too tired to be anxious and like gives up. So I'm doing a lot of just like... spacing out or doing mindless stuff like Imperial SaGa. But I keep like messing up and using wrong attacks and stuff oops.

Oh also like my ears are weird today like... how they feel when you're in an airplane?

Uh minor game updates tho:

The new imsaga event is like... Monster Hunter theme and they have like... all the SaGa Frontier protags in like... Monster Hunter cosplay and they're kinda cute. I'm tempted to try for the Lute one bc he would suit my team well but I'm not like super into Lute (I do like him a lot but there are charas I like way more that I could potentially get later) and I want to try saving my krowns for when there's finally unsaga content.

Anyway the event is like super easy so I can clear the 9-star without taking damage like... 90% of the time. If I get bad luck with accuracy sometimes I get hit but it's NBD.

In unsaga I like... literally stopped playing in the middle of an adventure because I got anxious or tired or something (or both) so uhhhh I hope I can remember what I was doing. I just used a save state instead of using a quicksave so I can just load my last normal save if I want to.

In sagasca I've been playing a TON but like... it's this extremely tedious quest where you have to like... fight like 50 battles in a row. I'm probably just doing it wrong (it's the ice cap/polar bear thing). I actually think I got past the ice cap part because I made 3 snowmen and I think there's only supposed to be three.

Some people have been revealing the mechanics of certain things on the GameFAQs board to answer ppl's questions (and a few people already have the guidebook) and like... I keep reading it even though I don't want to know everything just yet but like... some of the way mechanics work in this game seem disappointing like... the way glimmers work is really dumb. The magic-learning system was weird at first, but I like it overall.

Actually I say the way glimmers work is dumb but in Rogue Nightmare I was literally going to make a glimmer-like mechanic for learning skills and like... it was going to be exactly like what Scarlet Grace's is pretty much LOLOL. Not exactly, but very similar, in the same way that I'm complaining about so... XD

But basically each character keeps a hidden count of how much BP they've used with each weapon, and then your chance of glimmering is that divided by a certain 'threshold.' So like the first one is 40, so if on your first turn using that character, who has glimmered 0 things for that weapon, and you use a weapon art that costs 2 BP, their chance of glimmering will be 2/40, or 5%. But this also means once you've used 40 BP you're guaranteed a glimmer. And what you glimmer is just completely random -- like you'll just randomly get something from that item's glimmer set lol. But uh once you have glimmered 6 arts or more for a weapon the threshold is freaking huge like.. 10,500 or something. Which means it's ridiculously difficult to glimmer even the weakest most basic arts if you haven't yet.

In Rogue Nightmare I was going to do something very similar, with each weapon skill having a 'level' threshold, and it would be related to your skill level with that weapon. So as you use the weapon, you have a chance of learning the skill early, but once you get to the appropriate level, you'll definitely learn it. But in that game your levels restart to 0 every time you re-enter the dungeon, so it's more a reward for being able to last long enough. You can't really grind in that kind of game. (Once you learn a skill, though, you keep it permanently, even between nightmares.)

I think HP might max at 999 in this game (it does in other SaGa games, and there's no more 'space' for digits other than 3 in the display) and my characters are passing 700 HP. So I think I'm getting kind of far. In unsaga it's normal to have 500-600 HP at the end of the game.

I've also noticed that characters grow more the further they are in strength from the enemy or the party. I actually think in this game, there is a hidden "party level" to assess the party's overall strength. But like, I'll use the same five characters a ton in a row and they'll be growing like... 2-5 HP at the most per battle, some not even growing, and then I'll sub in characters with lower endurance but just generally weaker/underused and they'll be jumping like 10-20 HP every battle.

So you can have characters 'catch up' if you get them late in the game or whatever.

Though the hardest thing seems to be catching them up with arts. Like the new mustache guy I got, because he just got arts new, he still hasn't Ranked them Up much yet so there's things that other characters can do with 1BP that costs him 3BP... it's kind of annoying. It makes him seem super weak compared to others. I'm slowly getting him there, though. But meanwhile everyone else is still powering up and moving ahead of him, so idk...

Anyway I'm super tired and gonna head to bed. I've been meaning to for a while but keep saying I need to finish this entry but then keep like getting distracted lolol.

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-15 07:56 pm

Things are not going so smooth for our poor little Chapa friend.

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-15 06:45 pm

With Yun deciphering the rainmaking tablet for us, we continue to search for the items on our list while doing various subadventures in Loch Vaan and Chapa.

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-15 05:45 pm

Now that we've reached Loch Vaan and given the rainmaking tablet to Yun to decipher, we're able to start our quest to gather the items for the ritual. There's no real structure here -- you just try to find the items in any way you can. You can get them through monster drops, treasure chests, and (primarily) through shopping.

The first thing we'll do is go to the inn in Loch Vaan and reconnoiter.

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-15 04:42 pm

Well, coming off of Kurt's scenario, I'm pretty eager to get back into playing another adventure (every time I finish this game I want to start again IMMEDIATLEY hahaha).

This time I decided to go with Armic. I was originally saving him for last, because I thought he was the most 'open' scenario, but learning a bit more about how his scenario works, I actually think that title belongs to Ventus. Ventus and Armic are the only two I haven't cleared yet (though I've played pretty far in Ventus's scenario), so it's still saving one I haven't finished for last.

Armic is one of my favorite characters in design, though. He's super cute and I absolutely love his voice. He's voiced by Tiffany Grant! And I've never heard her do a voice like this before -- Armic is a unique Tiffany Grant voice, and I think that's pretty cool. (She also voices Michelle!) Personally if I ever could meet Tiffany Grant I'd probably ask her to sign a copy of UNLIMITED:Saga instead of an Eva thing or whatever hahaha. But ... that's probably just because I love this game so much, not because the voice work here is particularly amazing.

She does a good job as Armic, though. He's very cute and funny.


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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-14 07:49 pm
btw I don't really have a strong preference over what to do next in unsaga, so if anyone wants to see Laura, Judy, or Armic in particular, I can do that next. I'm kinda itching to start another game though so choose fast ^^

ETA: too late XD I already started Armic lol. it's super weird. I don't know what to do T_T

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-14 07:16 pm

It's finally time to head to Kurt's final adventure! We're going to see both story paths, too!

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-14 06:57 pm

There's only a few subadventures left before Kurt's story finally moves on for the last time. We're not going to unlock any new places this time, except for Starship Anchor. But we have already unlocked that, so... no new places.

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-14 02:33 pm
Also, I've been thinking about what I want to do next in unsaga, since I'm going to be finishing Kurt very soon.

I was saying I want to keep Armic for the end, but I'm starting to think I don't want to do that hahaha.

I still have Laura, Judy, Armic, and Ventus left this 'go,' and Armic and Ventus are the only two I haven't finished (with Armic, I haven't even touched; Ventus I got near the end ebfore).

Armic is something that will be new to me, but might not be the best way to end the whole thing. Ventus, on the other hand, will still have some new stuff, but also his scenario is the most "open" of all the scenarios.

Armic's is quite open, too, but you focus on like... shopping? It's weird. I think I'd like to experience it not as the end, plus I'm curious to see what it's like. Since Ventus's scenario is more open and unlimited, I think it would be a good ending point. I could really go all out and try to create the most powerful party and do whatever interesting things I wanted.

I also am thinking about doing some challenge runs for Laura and Judy. I've played both many times, so I won't feel like I'm missing out. I do plan on doing both of Laura's story paths, which are a little more cumbersome to do than Kurt's but not too much.

I was thinking of a 'no shopping' run, which is pretty easy/simple. I've done a "LLG" before, but I think I'd be even better at it now. SCC is too much. I've done it once and it's way too grindy and reliant on RNG and it's just not fun.

I still want to try an 'item collector' run that involves no shopping + no repairing + no martial arts + no familiars. Basically you focus completely on weapons and gathering materials to craft them, but you can't repair things in any way (the blacksmith limitation is that weapons cannot be used as the base ingredient, and you can't use recycle or quick fix). Basically you have to resort solely on weapons and weapon arts, but you have to do so with the context of not being able to buy or repair weapons.

This seems like it could either be extremely interesting, or end up with a lot of impossible scenarios. You'd really have to be picky about the order you do subadventures, because you'd want to prioritize finding treasures and items and avoid fighting enemies for quite a while. There'd be more to think about. Plus you wouldn't get bogged down by all the shopping between adventures :P

I think I might wait and do this in the Japanese version, though, since the treasures are a little different, and you can actually find guns (for some reason you can't find guns at all in the English version). Guns would be extremely vital early in the game game since they would be able to defeat enemies quickly without using too much EN.

But a simple "no shopping" run would definitely make things more interesting. The worst part would be trying to find armor for everyone. I might do that in Laura's scenario this time.

For Judy, I don't know what I will do... I'm already doing a magic-focused run in Kurt's scenario, and I really don't want to do a 'magic only' game because farming tablets is a huge chore. I don't want to do any more challenges that require some kind of farming or grinding.

Anyway, I'm thinking of doing Armic next. We'll get to see Pharr again, and recruit Nuage and Rebecca who are lovely. We'll also have to put up with Kong Ming though XD

For who to bench... I'll probably leave out Edel since we just used him in Kurt's scenario, and maybe Henri since he is pretty much the main character of Laura's scenario. Though there's something weird about Armic's scenario where depending on the order you do stuff, you will permanently miss out on certain characters, and you're forced to do this (just who you miss out on will be different depending on your choices?) so I'm going to kind of use a guide for that. Not too much thought -- I already know that it happens so I'm just going to see which choice leads to Edel and then avoid that hoping that he's the one I miss out on ? XD

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-14 12:33 pm

These are mostly just notes for myself.

Recently on GameFAQs board there's been someone who has been talking about "perfect games" (and a lot of debate about what this even means in a game like this) but one thing that did come up is the fact that line bonuses are not always that important. Generally until now, I think myself and many others always used line bonuses because they were the 'strongest' of the panel formation bonuses.

But line formations also require you to have three panels of one type -- often using panels you don't even really need on a character solely for the extra stat boost. Usually these aren't particularly useful except for having someone with keys for skill (since sharpeye, locksmith, and defuse are extremely helpful), or three fists for a character focusing on martial arts.

Plus the line bonus usually interferes with other stats. In my Kurt game, I have Playphyllum with a line of 'talking' skills -- Diplomacy, Monger, and Maharaja (fashion or inconspicuous would be nice instead of maharaja but they won't drop X_X). This is great because it boosts their Wood level a lot, but at the same time, I had to put Maharaja in the bottom left, which makes Magic level go WAY down.

Line bonuses give you 3x the base bonus. The multipliers don't affect the same-level bonus, either.

Talking panels give +2 Spirit, +2 Wood base bonus in formation combo.

So a line would give +6 Wood for the line, and then if they were all L5, you'd have +5 for the same-level bonus. So that's +11 Wood.

A joint would give +2 Wood and then +5 for the same-level bonus, so you'd have +7 Wood. It's a difference of 4 levels in Wood. But in the current setup, I'm sacrificing like... 30-40 levels in Magic, for 4 levels in Wood. Plus I have to be stuck with something like Maharaja when I could have another more useful skill panel instead.

Kurt currently has a triangle of maps, giving a total of +8 to Water (triangles give 2x the base bonus). One of these is Road Guide which I don't need, and it's sitting in one of the 'water' spots, so it's being a bit redundant in its boost (if I had something else there PLUS the bonus from the panels, it would get even more water).

If I just had Swimming and Obstacle Crossing alone in a joint, I'd have +6 Water. And I'd be able to put something else like a completed Water tablet in the other water spot to make up for the missed +2 Water anyway. So for pretty much no gain, I'm wasting a panel slot on Road Guide and missing out on better Strength or Magic levels. I'm also having to sacrifice Endurance or Spirit, when I could instead sacrifice Strength if I wanted to build him pure-magey (which I did -- I got rid of his axe and Axe Arts panel after defeating Domliat)

Anyway, my main point is just that I feel like I have overrated line bonuses. If you're just wanting to max a single stat and ignore others, line is the way to go. But I'm starting to think it's not really worth it for a lot of things.

Familiars are great for magic since they boost magic by 3, so a line is +9 magic, plus the same level bonus can get you up to +14 magic. Plus you actually USE magic with familiars, so it's helping out there, too. A variety of free magic arts + huge boost to magic. Great for forbidden mages, since the familiars provide support arts and some elemental weaknesses, while you can focus on your magic stat for the forbidden arts.

Anyway, here are the base boosts for the different 'classes' that actually are worth making bonuses with (something like weapon panels aren't good since you can't have more than one of the same level, for example):

Fist: +2 STR/END
Body: +4 END
Tablet: +1 FIR/WAT/MET/WOO/EAR
Familiar: +1 SPI +3 MAG
Judy: +1 MAG +3 SPI
Map: +2 END/WAT
Key: +2 SKI/EAR
Talk: +2 SPI/WOO
Fix: +3 SKI +2 MET
Phobia: +2 STR +6 MAG
Pacifist: +3 SPI +3 MAG

The phobia bonus gets less in higher formations. So the triangle is only worth +9, not +12, and the line is only worth +12, not +18.

There are only two "fix" panels and one is Artiste, so it's really hard to get a bonus of them.

The things that seem to be the most worth putting in lines are familiars (+14 Magic +8 Spirit) and maybe body if you're building a support tank (+17 Endurance).

For the others, I think it's really important to think if it's worth the sacrifice. If your character focuses on a single magic element, bow, or knife only, stays in the back row, and doesn't need like any other stats or abilities, lines would be the best way to go. But I think for anything else, joint is nice. You can also combine three joints at once if you really wanted to (though then you're just probably going to be using a lot of unneeded stuff again lol)

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-13 04:12 pm
Soooo I went to the doctor yayyyyy. He is nice and comfortable so that is good.

I was super nervous though and like could barely talk. Even though I didn't really have a reason to be. But I'll be better next time?

I got a like... paper with my next appointment but it also had like... a list of various information like my weight and blood pressure, and even had a list of the things I'm officially diagnosed with. It actually seems really scary when you read it but I don't think it's so bad?? There are five things lol X_X but I feel like three of them are just saying "depression" in various ways. But they say things like "severe" and stuff on them lolol. And then anxiety and panic disorders which were the only things I was really sure of. Maho Aikawa has panic disorder, too, lol. Recently she was diagnosed with it and had to stop her activities with ANGERME for a while to undergo treatment, and she says she wants to try to continue her activities with ANGERME to be an inspiration for people with anxiety disorders, and I thought that was really cool (and honestly inspiring) so I really hope that she does end up able to come back. But I know how hard these things can be so...

I tried to talk about autism but Dr Nolan kind of just ... went past it, like a 'let's focus on this for now' kind of thing, which was fine. Like, Dr Marlin was just like "no ur not" like immediately without hearing me out. But since a anxiety and autism are comorbid and a lot of symptoms can be attributed to both or either, I think it's fine to like... try to 'work out' anxiety stuff a bit first. Like, I'm just glad he wasn't like... dismissive about it.

Also I got a grape sucker. Also I tried to initiate small talk twice. Err, once. Once someone said something to herself and I thought she was talking to me and I said 'what' and she said she was talking to herself but then started talking to me anyway. She told me she hates the scales in the doctor's office because they always say she's heavier LOL. She said that she feels like she's lost weight and other people tell her she looks thinner and her pants are looser now. I said maybe you grew some muscle mass. She said she doesn't grow muscle sitting on her ass all day. Then she said something about the weather and I said it feels like spring now even though it's winter and I was proud of myself for being able to say that LOL

And then when I was at the check out thing at the office there was a box of lollipops and I just like... whispered loudly at the box "DO YOU HAVE ANY GRAPE?" and the clerk was like I think there's one in there and then I said 'I had grape jelly for breakfast' but she didn't respond so that was my failed smalltalk attempt today LOL. But I was feeling kind of good after the appointment was over.

Anyway, Dr Nolan isn't a therapist but referred me to one but then I found out that the reason I haven't been able to get a therapist yet is because they don't take my insurance at the place I've been referred to but no one told me this??? I was just waiting for them to contact me lol.

So now I have to call this other place, and I don't feel comfortable about this place. It's the place that next to the apartment (like, our parking lots touch lmao) so it's convenient but like their website creeps me out and I feel like all they do is try to force you to get jobs and like they have testimonials (why does a hospital have testimonials lol) that are like I WORK 3 JOBS NOW! WORK WORK WORK! and all the testimonials are about how much they are doing work????? It's super weird and uncomfortable. But I guess I need to at least try it especially since this is the only place that will take Medicaid for therapy anyway lol.

Anyway I got increased meds again lolol soon I will be on like MAX PROZAC or something. But I don't have to take the giant Prozac anymore, but now have to take like three little ones. I don't know what is worse honestly... and I have to take two of the green things like at different times of the day and I don't want tooooooo. Also I got like a thing I can take just as needed, like a thing that helps if I'm already having anxiety day or something, which is good, I think that will be helpful... Maybe I'll try it when I have to use the phone lmfao.

I kind of want to play unsaga because I'm so close to finishing Kurt's scenario but like... I'm just so exhausted from today. Not only did I go to the doctor, but I went to the pharmacy and the grocery, too (they're both on the way on the walk home). At the grocery, though, there was some kind of problem and the manager had to come up and start ringing people up. This happens a lot and I'm glad because he's gorgeous and has a lovely mustache and cute nose. So I at least got to look at him a little lol. But I was ready to die by the time I left lol. I need to shower too after all that walking but like.... uuuuuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

I wish there was like... a service you could use to like... have other people call things for you when you need to make calls. That would be great.

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-12 11:49 pm
I was just playing Scarlet Grace and I like... ignored doing something in the game because I didn't want to do stuff out of order because it makes for bad play diary.

But I don't think I should be doing that... XD I mean, it's fine for games I've played tons of times before, but this is my first time playing the game and I want to just experience it how I experience it XD So I'll probably not do that in the future, play diary be damned. I've already written some messed up random entries because I was running all over the place in the game, so...

So much stuff has happened in this game. I feel like I've seen enough content to fill an entire game but I just keep discovering more and more stuff to do. This is the game they should have called "unlimited" hahaha.

Speaking of that game, though, Kurt's scenario is getting close to the end. I don't know if I'm going to keep going past the final story event and clear all the subadventures or whatever. I think I might just go to the end once I feel the party is good enough (I feel like they're pretty close anyway). But I should be able to finish it in a couple more play sessions. But probably longer, because I think I'm going to split the save file just before the final story progression event happens and go to the final boss from there, and then go back and go on and go to the final boss again... so I have to beat it twice lmao. But I want to show the difference in the story paths, because it's only the final adventure that is different.

Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment, with the psych. I am scared lol. I really shouldn't be, though. But you know, that's how it works. I don't know what they are going to want me to say and stuff. And I'm not good at saying stuff on my own. I'm not really good at answering questions in general. I guess this is a thing other people can do, but when people ask me "what do you think about..." or "how do you feel about..." I don't really understand what these questions mean. I don't know what kind of answer I'm supposed to be giving.

Like, it's not that I'm afraid to be honest or open it's that I literally can't understand the question. Like what does it mean to say what you "think about something" ?? I don't get it. I don't just have some kind of single thought about it? I mean, the amount of thoughts I could give it are theoretically infinite? What do you say? What kind of thought? Whenever I try to ask people though, they just get mad lol. It's even worse with how I "feel" because I usually feel nothing or it's just as endless and complex as how I "think" about it so...

But that's the kinds of things doctors ask you lmao.

I'm also afraid to like... bring up autism because my regular doctor like... dismissed it so quickly. It makes it intimidating. But the guy I'm seeing apparently works with autistic people, so... maybe he will be more understanding and helpful about it.

Also yesterday Dennis said he was worried he may have been coming down with a flu or something, because he had a headache and was feeling a bit nauseous. I said that I was feeling those things, too, but I figured it was just anxiety. He asked me why I was feeling anxious and I said "because I have an anxiety disorder." And after I said it I suddenly felt scared because I realized it was a thing that sounded sarcastic or smart-ass or whatever, even though it wasn't meant to be. It was just the answer to what I was asked. And I was really afraid he was going to get mad or whatever.

But he actually gave me a hug and asked what he could do. And I just kind of talked about it a little, even though talking doesn't really help, but more just to help him understand since he was willing to listen. And it was nice. Anxiety + relationship is surprisingly a difficult thing.

You would think that it would just be natural for people who love each other to just... accept these kinds of things and be helpful but. It's not so easy. It's hard for someone without a problem like this to really understand what it's like. And when people can't relate to stuff, they tend to feel like other people are wrong or making it up or something. Plus having anxiety all the time and being unable to do basic things like get out of bed or go to the grocery or have a conversation is really taxing on the other person. It messes with their day. It is frustrating and confusing. And that wears on people over time. It's easy for them to get frustrated, bottle it up for a while until they're really upset about it. They start holding it against you, thinking that you're being selfish.

It's not just Dennis -- this is how everyone reacts lol. I can't tell you how many times I've been told I was selfish or asked why I can't think of others because I was mentally incapable of doing something, beyond my control. And I already felt bad that I was letting other people down or inconveniencing others or whatever and having them blame me to my face only makes that worse.

But that is kind of just my life lolol.

Uh the main reason I said that though is because I really appreciate Dennis a lot because he really does try hard. And there have been times that he has made mistakes or gotten frustrated or I didn't communicate myself properly and I was upset with him about these things, and I tend to rant about that a lot, but I don't talk as much about how much I can really tell he tries a lot and really wants to be supportive.

Anyway I wrote myself an email called "why you are broken" lol. So I can look at it in the appointment and have things to say.

I guess I will write about it here in more detail, mostly to organize my thoughts, but if you want to know what my struggles are like, I guess you can read it XD

I'm not going to cover everything that was in the email, like I just made a list of physical symptoms like headache and stuff, but I don't think that's really something I need to work out thoughts on. I know what headache is.

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-12 06:25 pm
There are so many hot old guys in Scarlet Grace I am having trouble deciding who to put in my party.

This is... the first time this has ever happened in an RPG...

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Thaao Hanshew
2017-02-12 04:16 pm

I just realized last time I titled the last post fish/witch/fire people but then decided to split the fish/witch part into a separate post, so it probably sounds super weird now.

SO IT'S FISHY WITCHY TIME!

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