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WARMTH LIKE HOME UNAWARES
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Thaao Hanshew
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2020-01-26 01:58 am

~ Currently Playing ~
???

~ Currently Watching ~
Star Trek: The Next Generation

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-30 03:29 am

It's time to start taking on the seven wonders...! The more I play Ruby's story again, the more I'm starting to realize this was probably meant to be the final scenario you play :P Almost nothing is explained to you and there are so many random little cameos and reference to anything else with no context lol. Anyway, on to Starship Anchor, the first of the wonders we have to conquer... for Sapphire... for some reason.

This post is going to contain a bit of story spoilers for both Ruby and Laura's scenario (yeah, Ruby has a Laura spoiler in her story LOL) as well as the solution to Starship Anchor. I marked where the spoilers start, but just be warned.

Also we meet like... three of my favorite sub-characters (one playable) on this adventure :D

Read more...Collapse )

I know I've played more than this but I don't know exactly how this unfolds after this. This is as far as I really can remember clearly. So from here on out the story should be surprising to me too XD But uh... the story is pretty much told in this fashion for the whole game so it will be a lot of ... trying to figure out even what is going on and who these people are and stuff because it will hardly make sense XD

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-29 03:54 pm
ok I went and now I just feel more anxious and exhausted and have a headache and my legs hurt fml

but at least I have food?

but i'm too anxious about preparing/eating it so i'm just going to sit here in my room lol

I might go out when it's quiet (like around 8PM) but not eating until 8PM is yeah

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-29 03:01 pm
Sooo I'm feelin' pretty miserable these last couple days lol. As in ... yesterday and today lol. Yesterday was pretty bad. I felt awful and frustrated all day, for no reason. Like... very defeated/worthless, but also very angry. Usually I only feel one or the other so it was really... frustrating lol.

Today I just feel defeated/unmotivated. It was really hard to get out of bed, despite being in it for like 10+ hours and sleeping what I felt like was better sleep than I've gotten recently. I'm looking out my window and it's sunny and I know the weather has to be good and I'd probably enjoy it out there but I just... can't be bothered. I'm not eating even though I'm hungry because I don't want to leave the computer. Whenever I feel like this all I want to do is sit on the computer. If I try closing the computer or whatever and telling myself I can't use it, then I just lay on the floor and sob to myself or something so I'd rather just be on the computer.

I did take my medication today and I feel like that took like... all of my energy for the whole day and now I can't eat or do anything else. Last night I did play unsaga but I kept having little anxiety attacks during it -- like when I'm having a lot of anxiety I feel like I have to concentrate on the thing making me anxious, like I have to stay alert in case... The Bad comes. Even though there's not anything in particular I'm anxious about. And if I distract myself, the moment I "realize" I'm distracted, I get a sudden surge of panic, like that sudden wave of fear you feel when you realize you had something to do at 3:00 and it's 3:45 and you completely forgot you even had to do the thing, but ti was a very important thing you had to do on time. So as I'm playing a game, this happens in cycles: like play the game for 10-15 minutes, get overwhelmed by fear, calm down enough to start playing again, repeat.

I feel like if I could just PUSH myself a little bit and get outside or eat something I might feel a little better but ugggghhhh. I have a fear of leaving the room? Like it just seems like so much work and it's really scary and something bad will happen if I go out there.

I think it's more like, I just don't want to deal with THINGS like having to make decisions or focus on things (like what to eat, what to say to people if they talk to me, where to go if I go outside... like even just if I should walk clockwise or counterclockwise around the pond is like TOO MUCH DECISIONS lol)

There is a squirrel burying stuff outside. There have always been lots of squirrels wherever I've lived but I've never actually 'caught' on burying things. It's really cute.

Anyway, I just remembered that I used the last of the bread last night so I don't really have much to eat. I guess I could try making scrambled eggs with natto in them or something? There's very little left in there. There's some bologna but I need bread. I'm not just going to eat bologna by itself. I guess I should walk to the store. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it... it's really overwhelming. I really do think walking would be nice so maybe I should walk to the grocery and then if I don't feel like going in, just come back. Or maybe I could go to Taco Bell or something, since it's close... even though it seems like a waste of money since I could spend $4 to eat at Taco Bell or buy two loaves of bread and two packs of bologna for $4... And it's not like Taco Bell would be any easier than going to the grocery (other than it's a little farther to walk which is nbd) because I'd still have to make choices over things. Oh yeah, I still want to get coffee creamer, too...

Does the new sales cycle start on Thursday? I think it does??? IDK about this grocery bc I hate it, it's just the only place close enough to walk to. I guess I could spend all day walking to a further one but then I would not want to be carrying home things like dairy for hours in the sun. Maybe I can ask my dad to go to the grocery later? But I don't want to talk to anyone lol.

IDK I say these things as if they are easy but this stuff is all honestly too hard right now. But I think I will look at the ad for the grocery near here and see if there's anything I could actually get and then go there if there is. I actually walked there earlier in the week and everything was too expensive so I didn't buy anything at all. Not even bread lol. I just feel uncomfortable spending like $1.50 on bread when I know I can get it for $1 or less at other stores. And everything is really expensive there like that... like usually twice the price or more.

lol this guy is trying to pick up after his dog, but the dog keeps running and pulling him and he can't manage to pick up the poo. He finally got it in the struggled to get the poo to the bin XD Our apartment has little dog poo bins with little bag dispensers; I think that's really nice. I mean, it benefits the apartment, too, since they keep the poo cleaned up. And everyone seems to use them. Nonetheless, geese poop all over the place and there are TONS of geese here, so there's still poo everywhere.

Hey, I think I just summoned some geese. I hadn't seen them all day but as soon as I started typing about them, a few dozen just started wandering around right next to the dog poo bin. I love geese, though, even though they're kinda scary. I wish we could be friends and I could go sit with the geese and hug them lol.

Oh, wow, when I went to the grocery site and looked at the ad... one of the things I was most hoping for was cheese to be on sale. It's almost never on sale there, but when it is, it's for some reason REALLY cheap. Like around $2/lb. And it's not only on sale but the flyer has a coupon for $1 off so it's only $0.98! I would buy many of them, though, so IDK how many times you can use the coupon. It says 4 times, but I guess you also have to buy $20 worth of things aside from the cheese and I certainly don't have $24 to spend on groceries. But still, they're $1.98/lb which is good... Coffee creamer is on sale, too, but not a very interesting sale. I feel like that's the normal price.

I really should go today since the cheese will probably get sold out (or at least not restocked properly and there's no way I'm asking someone to check the stock for me -- it's hard to find help at this place anyway. There are times you even go to check out and there's no one there, like you could just walk out with your food honestly LOL)

And I've been really wanting to get cheese recently. I think I might actually try to go. After I finish posting this, I'll get dressed, put my shoes on, and just start walking... and deal with it when I get there.

(last time I did this, I ended up feeling obligated to go shopping even though I didn't feel up to it and really stressed myself out and ended up having to spend a long time recovering oops... but I think it will be ok this time????) HONESTLY I wish I didn't have to worry about these kinds of things. I don't understand how people hold jobs like you have to do things and make decisions all day. How do you do that for more than a week without spending all your non-working time laying on the floor crying and cutting at your wrists and stuff??? It doesn't make sense to me. Even though I realize everyone does it?????? Like???

Anyway yeah I'm gonna do it----

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-29 02:49 am

Well, I went on my first subadventure :D Subadventures have a pretty different feel from main adventures, so I'll talk about that first :)

get da iceCollapse )

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-29 12:35 am
Well, I finished the final travels with Iskandar :)

with a very special reward at the end :DCollapse )

But yeah, after this, there's no direction or instruction at all, and I think you just need to clear any subadventure at all and then come back here later, and that will advance the story. In case you have been trying to clear all the available ones up til this point, a new one appears in Torle after seeing this scene so you won't have accidentally "run out." It's usually the one I end up doing, too.

Fun fact: When I first bought this game (I had gone out to pick up FFX-2, and saw this on the shelf and thought the art was REALLY cool, and it was Square game, so I figured I'd try it), after watching the really exciting intro FMV, I played Ruby as my first character ever :) I never got past the kitty adventure because I couldn't figure out how to open the door, even after I realized I had to pick up the key.

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Current Mood: frustrated frustrated
Current Music: UNLIMITED:Saga Overture

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-28 02:44 pm
Maintenance people are supposed to come fix our sink (my dad put glass down the garbage disposal and now it's leaking lol...) but I'm here by myself while my dad went to the laundromat... it's making me so anxious and uncomfortable that I feel like I'm going to pass out or puke or both.

I was going to post about my meltdown last night but I think I did in the dream post lol. I don't know what to do with myself right now. I'm so nervous and uncomfortable. It is hard to breathe. I really hope my dad just gets back from the laundromat soon so I don't have to keep watching the apartment like this... I have garbage in my room that I need to take to the can in the kitchen but I don't want to be 'caught' in the 'middle of something' if maintenance people come??? Like it's literally just carrying a paper plate to the next room but I'm afraid. So I'm just sitting in here with the door closed and hoping they don't come. If they come, I will probably stay in here and just be really quiet and hope they don't realize I'm in here??????????????

They actually came before when we were asleep I guess?? And because my dad latched the door they couldn't get in and then they said we 'refused service' lol.

I'm way too nervous to do anything; even writing this is kinda hard. But I'm really good at typing no matter what the circumstance is lol. I could be like having a stroke and I could get on here and type a long lj entry about how annoyed I am and how strokes suck or something.

I almost want to just leave the apartment so they can just come in here with no one in here??? I think my brother is here??? Also I really want to go to the grocery but my dad probably won't want to go this week... the one I can walk to everything is too expensive. I'm running out of food though.

It's raining outside.

Is it considered aerobic exercise if I'm just so scared that my heart rate is over the target heartrate for 20 minutes or longer? Even though I'm just sitting still? Aerobic typing.


hahahahahahhaha I'm funny

Someone please kill me :)

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-28 10:34 am
I had a dream that I had moved into this apartment/dorm thing to go to school? and I had agreed to be roommates with Kenny but there were like 5 people in the apartment and I didn't know the other 3 people but I figured I could just avoid them or something idk. Anyway it was in this like giant castle/mansion thing and like ... it was divided into subsections so people could live in separate 'apartments,' but I can't really explain what this was like because it was some kind of weird, surreal dream concept.

Of the other 3 people, 2 were really aggressive and rude and looked like (but were not them actually) the cashier from the dollar store that I went to yesterday and this really annoying person I went to college with who was in my Japanese class and always tried to brag about how he 'lived in Japan' when he literally was there for like 3 weeks or something and was always like talking as if he knew everything about Japan and Japanese when he was one of the worst students and never knew anything lol. But it wasn't him, it just looked like him, and I only detail that because I don't know his name or whatever and when I read this in the future, I will want to know who I was talking about because I go back and read my dream journals sometimes XD

Anyway, the two annoying people kept making comments about the third, and calling them "Paul" or something and were like "uh have you tried to talk to that freak Paul he won't even talk to you he is horrible" or something idk, but basically saying like that "Paul" pretends nobody is there and avoids them and is 'mean' or something and I was like uh yeah I would ignore these people, too. And like the way the apartment was situated, "Paul" lived in like, an attic kind of area, up stairs from everyone else (though it wasn't an attic because this was the middle of some mansion/castle thing and not at the top so idk LOL)

Anyway, I went to go see "Paul" (this was all on the first day of living there lol) and at least introduce myself and then figured after this I'd ignore everyone except Kenny XD So I went up the stairs and just WENT IN LOL I didn't even knock?? but yeah "Paul" was really my friend Mog (Raven) and she was playing some GameCube game about Samus, but I guess it was like... some crossover adventure game about lots of characters from games and was like "Hey, remember when you played the Link part of the game with me?" and I was like oh yeah I remember that and we sat together and played GameCube and I was like 'wtf was wrong with those other people' and then Kenny came in and Mog let Kenny play, and he was playing as Yunica from Ys and we were all just sitting and playing GameCube together (it was like a single-player game and we were taking turns).

Anyway Mog had to go to school or something so we quit playing the game but it was just me and Kenny in Mog's room and Kenny took his shirt off and we started like... aggressively cuddling lmao and then like the two annoying people just barged in (even though that's what I did when I entered I guess LOL) and were like OMFG YOU HAVE BETRAYED US I CAN'T BELEIVE YOU'RE HAVING SEX and Kenny like ran off and I was like uh we weren't having sex we were just on top of each other LOL

Anyway the other two people were like super mad and I didn't even understand why??? And then when I like left they like... HAD STUFFED MOG IN A DOG CARRYING CAGE THING??? And I was like uh wtf!?!?! And they wouldn't let me near to let her out?? And the girl was like "I needed more items for my item list so now I have one" (idk what that meant really but still they were calling Mog an 'item' and like referring to her as an object and like a dog?!?!) and I was like getting really mad and like yelling at them and trying to get to the cage so I could like grab it and run and then let her out?? (like as if I'd be able to just easily pick up and run with a huge cage thing carrying an entire human being inside XD Mog is kinda tall but slender so maybe she weighs like 160-180lb??? IDK LOL)

And yeah idk exactly what happened next but somehow I did get her out? I think maybe they just... left? Or Kenny came back and they listened to him?? idk, but somehow we got her out and Kenny did come back and was now mad too and so was Mog obviously and we like... left but it was like... "the time when everyone was there" and idk what was going on but like... Hillary Clinton was there?? And like a bunch of famous celebrities and stuff??? And like various important people idk. And they were all like in line slowly moving up a giant stairwell that led to elevators and trying to get to the top and we were like pushing through people and stuff trying to get to the top too ?? And like there were these like security people trying to stop us LOL

Anyway we were pretty close to the elevator and Mog just like grabbed this lady by the shoulder and was going to ask her if we could cut but it was like some super famous important celebrity person and she was standing right next to Clinton and Mog got both of their attention from doing this somehow and they were like shocked and appalled and like EVERYONE was freaking out because a commoner touched the important person or whatever and we were just like "uh these people are like trying to capture our friend and treating her like a dog/object so we HAVE TO GET TO THE TOP"

And yeah idk then I woke up XD I slept pretty poorly and when I went to bed at first I had a like weird sadness episode where I just felt super hopeless and was crying and super wanted to die??????? And I went to the bathroom and then like... came out and couldn't remember if I actually used the toilet or if I had just stood in there??? And I was like "well I don't feel like I have to go anymore so I guess I did" but then like when I laid down I had to go really bad so I guess I didn't??? Anyway I feel okay now I guess. I feel defeated and unmotivated but that's pretty normal for me lol.

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Current Mood: exhausted exhausted

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-27 02:39 pm


Today I saw this on Tumblr so I had to post it here



I'm trying to summon fon_ronsenbutt from the ashes :(

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-27 10:59 am
WoooOoOoOoooo

I'm feelin' the bads.

I don't really wanna go into it.

I think I might go outside in the mornings and walk around?? Since ilke... the sun comes in through the window in the mornings (which I like waking up to) so I can't really use the computer. I maen, obviously I can, but there's a lot of glare and the sun is like in my eyes and stuff so it's just squinting and leaning and etc.

I don't want to leave my room though.

Like anxiety thing lol.

It's been a full week since I started medication woooo. I actually don't??? have a headache today??? As I say that my head hurts but I think it's because I'm thinking about it (???)

Anyway, I'm having a hard time writing this because I'm still really distracted, like having trouble concentrating... But I was kinda easily distracted like this before the medication, it's just... more noticeable? Or maybe I'm just noticing it more now or something.

Anyway, a thing I want to get off my chest since no one reads this anyway:

don"t even read it lmaoCollapse )

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-26 01:30 am
lol I've failed at updating these last couple of days >_> I didn't write my health journals either. It was pretty standard stuff though so it shouldn't be hard to write those.

Tonight was more foobles. We finally won a game~~~~ It was supposed to be an easier win but we were scraping by lmfao. But uhhh honestly it's to be expected IMO lolol.

Almost all of my boyfriends did great stuff; Erik Walden did a very exciting thing. He had a few great plays today, I was happy XD

Also this <3 TY always does great things tho XD Which is always good but I like it when the less-prolific players get in the highlight reels too xD Would be nice to see more Jack Doyle highlights show up XD He did pretty good today but nothing that would make a highlight reel, sadly...

Also I'm very glad that the NFL has started a YT page and the way they're doing it because they pretty much are just cramming it full of content... They post a bunch of highlights every week, and post legacy content, and some random other stuff... they've even started uploading full games (like past superbowls and famous/exciting games of the past) twice a week. They also have playlists for every team and player that collect all the videos of them so if you have a fav you can go watch it. Well, only players that show up regularly in highlights have playlists.

Also we're the only team that won in the division this week which is good for our standing but sad because I love everyone in our division and I wish we could all win every game somehow even when we play each other and everyone go undefeated LOL

Anyway, watching the Chargers I discovered some lovely faces:

lots of imagesCollapse )

Oh yeah also today there was a lot of talk of Manti Teo like for the entire first half because he was important and then injured and they just kept mentioning him and like his name is pronounced the same as mine and since they refer to everyone by last name mostly I just kept hearing Teo over and over and like it's so weird because I'm not used to hearing my name??? Like other people probably run across other people with the same name as then but... I never... hear other people named Thaao so it's like so weird feeling LOL

That's about all I have to say on foobles I guess.

Dennis gave me his Dragon Quest IX game and was like 'you should play it' and I was like ;;;;;;;;; and then later I was playing LegLeg and he was like 'oh are you playing DQ????' and I was like ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; so I ended up playing it...

Generally if people encourage me to play a game it makes me not want to play it LOL but this is the first time Dens has ever recommended or encouraged me to play a game so I feel like I have to try it XD

It's actually really fun though, but like the steal rate is really atrocious?!? Like I seriously would steal like 40-50 times from an enemy and it would fail... and then finally it would succeed and I'd get the common steal, and you seem to get the rare one maybe like 10% of the time??? So it's SUPER obnoxious... but to finish your monster book thing you have to get both the normal and rare drop from every enemy (stealing just has them produce one of their drops) soooo uh yeah. After I finish the area I'm in (one more monster to go XD) I might stop trying to get all the steals and just go on with the game and hope I get an easier way to do it later...? Or at least get to where I can change jobs and change EVERYONE into a thief and learn Steal with everyone... I think it transfers over? Also it's not called Steal it's called like... Halfinch or something, like everything in this game has super weird names and like 95% of it is bad puns...

There are these enemies called... like... Sacksquatch... they are supposed to look like burlap sacks but they look like pizza rolls and every time one pops up in the field, it like falls from the sky and lands on its face so it just looks like someone dropped a pizza roll onto the field from heaven LOL.

The battle choreography in this game is really great. The characters run around during the fights and there's so many little animations. Also when you get a crit or block with your shield, there's this like slight slo-mo effect that is so satisfying XD Like, this is the kind of battle animation/choreography you'd expect from stuff like Paper Mario. Really nice. I mean I guess DQ is like a top franchise so it shouldn't be that surprising, but... XD Final Fantasy is also a big square franchise and their battle choreo is not nearly as interesting. I mean, it's pretty, but it doesn't have the same kind of... satisfying... feel to it? Even UN:Saga which I think has nice battle choreo is nothing close to this XD

The story is pretty cute, it's like just a big series of substories which I think is what DQ is always like, idk (this is my first one besides playing a couple hours of DQ8 but Dens is playing DQ7 and it seems like that too and the little I played of DQ8 seemed like that, so... XD) and the two I've really played through so far have been pretty interesting, albeit silly. Sadly there have been no hot characters yet at all. But it's Akira Toriyama so like the game is just like ... a million clones of the same 5 ugly people and then Mr Satan clones and I will like those when I get to them I guess LOL

But yeah I ended up playing it like all day lol. I probably burned myself out.

I might try to do an Ys Origin Time Attack this week and stream it. Despite being called Time Attack, time is the least concern. It could take ALL day to finish it. Basically, it's a boss rush, and you have to fight all the bosses in a row. You can retry each boss as much as you want, but there's no quicksave/suspend feature, so if you quit the game, you have to start all over from the beginning.

It's not that there's a lot of bosses, it's that bosses in this game are extremely difficult and require a severe level of pattern recognition and precision timing/reaction. Mistakes are heavily punished so you die a LOTTTTT. My last Time Attack took like ... 6-8 hours I think? And there are eight of them, and you have to finish all eight to get an achievement. It's my last achievement I need :P I've finished... two I think? Maybe three. But I'm pretty sure two. I've attempted a couple more but ended up giving up after 4-5 hours or playing all day and still not finishing it and having to quit.

Yeah, I've done 2 so I have 6 more to go... One of those will be fairly easy. There's two for each character, four characters total, and one character is pretty easy because his bosses are easier and he's kinda OP. I already did one of his, though.

But yeah, if I do stream it, my twitch channel is here so you can come watch if you'd like. If you subscribe, turn on the email alert thing or else you'll not get alerts XD

Anyway, I am the tired and I will sleep now. Even though I don't feel like sleeping at all. I'm kinda worked up from today because I didn't get a lot of 'break' lol.

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-24 01:11 am

Spoilers are marked :O

Still not Isky >_>;Collapse )

That's all my adventuring for tonight. Not too much happened XD

BTW random note: this game has a pretty stellar voice cast. Lots of popular VAs in here. Tiffany Grant, Hilary Haag, Vic Mignogna, etc.

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Current Mood: tired tired

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-23 10:50 pm

No, not Isky, sorry :OCollapse )

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Current Mood: anxious anxious

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-22 11:34 pm
I didn't realize the Texans were playing the Patriots tonight and I just checked on the score and it's 0-20 LOLOL I mean it's not too unexpected, but... >_>;;; Poor Texans :(

I actually posted crap all over facebook and stuff today because I have no idea what to do with myself. Like I have energy and feel super antsy but I have no willpower and no ability to concentrate so I've been doing much of nothing.

My anxiety calmed down kinda finally today, by the end of the day. I still feel a little anxious but I at least feel calm. I felt like I couldn't calm myself down no matter what for the last few days...

My two LJ buddies are busy with their own stuff and dealing with many things right now so this place has become empty again and it's making me less motivated to post XD

I kinda sorta started trying to use FA again today. Well, I went and posted some art I've done since the last time I was on (which was a year ago, and I literally had only 4 things to post) and nuked all my notifs and posted a journal. So I'll try to keep up on it... IDK why I don't check it more the way I check everything else? It's way more interesting and relevant to me than fb or tumblr or whatever but I'm ALWAYS freaking on those when I hate them?? And I love FA but I never go lol 9_9;

Also, I got a USB keyboard from my dad (he got it at like a garage sale or something) and it's super comfortable and has pretty firm/springy keys, and they clack a little, and it just feels really nice. It's not anything special, just some HP thing, but still, it's nice. And I've been wanting an external keyboard because it's uncomfortable to hold my hands up to the laptop on the desk because it's on the monitor part of the desk, and obviously not the keyboard tray. So now I can have a keyboard on the keyboard tray, and keep my mouse there, too, and it will be very nice.

The problem is I'm so used to leaning over and typing on the laptop's keyboard that I'm literally leaning EVEN MORE because the keyboard tray is out and then typing on the stupid laptop LOLOL when the keyboard is right in front of me...

I'm using the keyboard right now, but before I started the "I got a USB keyboard" part, I had been using the laptop keyboard >_>;;;; Also it's taking me forever to type up this post because I can't concentrate on anything and I keep randomly opening facebook or like staring at the wall or looking around my room thinking of various things.

I get like this normally but I wonder if this might be a side-effect of the medication I'm taking. Along with headaches and increased general anxiety, I've been having racing thoughts and been easily-distracted (which are pretty much sub-symptoms of anxiety anyway) and a side-effect of this medication is increased anxiety even though I'm supposed to be taking it for anxiety (it's actually for depression though??? like that's it's intended use??? but it also helps people stop smoking, and Dens said that when his doctor diagnosed him with social anxiety, he was prescribed this, too, and it made him feel weird so he quit taking it).

Since I do get like this normally and it could just be a coincidence that I'm having a bout of increased anxiety now, and I don't feel like this is particularly alarming or anything, I'm just gonna keep taking it and see how it goes. Like I said, it's only been three days. The headache is finally over (I hope -- I thought it was gone last night then struck SEVEREEEE in the middle of the night) and I'm feeling better than I have felt the last few days starting just now tonight...

I just tried to make Kool-Aid and forgot the water cooler is out of water and so I put ice in the glass and then put tap water in it but then couldn't really stir it because the ice was in it and ended up having to drink like red-colored tap water with a goop powder in the bottom lol. I am sad. I'm thirsty too and we don't even have water. The tap water here is gross and I hate drinking it. I made tea with it and I couldn't even taste the tea and it was just that gross tap water taste. I'm dying squirtle. I'm thirstyyyy...

I just reached for the laptop keyboard again. After randomly getting distracted and going on tumblr??? why????

Anyway, I guess I should stop typing because I'm not even really saying anything. Maybe I'll head to bed early and spend some time trying to think up ideas for strip poker game lmfao. Though I should have the notes for it somewhere... IDK where, though. I'll probably have to re-write them.

I'm considering adding a sleepy route that essentially you get to by playing too many card games (and thus too many drinks) without getting to the 'action' so your boss falls asleep on you. Now I want to sit and write out notes x____x; I might do that for a bit before going to sleep.

THE END

Seriously I don't know how to end posts???

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-22 05:30 pm
I walked to Taco Bell and walked back after eating. That's my exercise for today lmao. My head hurt a lot from the walking and being around the manager talking on the phone the whole time I was there. Honestly I feel like the walking made me feel worse. Though now that I'm back home, I feel better, I guess. But I think that's just relief lol.

I kind of want to start up a project or work on an abandoned one... I was thinking about this last night when I wasn't sleeping and I have had a few things I've wanted to do for a while.

One that I've been thinking about for a while is a porn game that essentially revolves around seducing your boss in a hotel room, a kind of a mixture of a short VN and a 'strip poker' type of game.

Essentially I got the idea because I was like 'Hey I should just make a dumb strip poker game but with the kinds of guys I like since they aren't that common' but then of course like every idea I have it grew increasingly complex the more I thought of it.

The "base" idea I ended up having, which would be fine on its own, is that essentially you have a flirty boss who you think you might be able to hook up with on a business trip where you're sharing a hotel room. At the end of the day, you have drinks together and play cards to unwind, which leads to a strip game. But instead of just a simple 'strip poker' game, there's also a visual-novel-esque interaction game. You'll have to make a lot of dialogue choices before and between hands of cards, which will encourage how the night unfolds. You can end up annoying or turning him off and end up with just both of you going to bed, or you could get into quite a variety of sexual situations depending on how you interact. The kinds of choices you make and how you talk to your boss would establish dominance, too, so you could end up in a sub or dom role, or a more mutual/neutral event could occur. And the more aroused and interested you got him, the more kinds of scenes you could see, too. Plus, the card game would have an effect on what happens, as some scenes would only be able to take place if you won or lost enough hands before the action takes place.

I have notes for this somewhere, with a bunch of ideas for possible outcomes and scenes and what kinds of triggers would lead you to seeing them.

Of course, I can't just let things be that simple in my head. I started to expand this into an entire complex game where it starts before retiring to the room for the night, where you can choose where to go instead of just spending the evening with your boss. Hang out with one of your friends local to the place you're travelling to on business, go to the hotel bar and hook up with the bartender or a fellow patron, or decide to unwind in the hotel's fitness room and hook up with the other guy working out there. Stuff like that. I figured each scenario would go pretty much the same, you end up alone in a hotel room and play some cards and your interaction choices influence what kinds of stuff you guys get into.

But why stop there? How about each guy has his own preferred game to play, so it's not always the same little card game. Hell, add strip chess!! And what if you could unlock even better bonus scenarios by being allowed to do multiple things with your evening and meet multiple guys and have group hookups by doing well enough at convincing everyone?????

AND WHY STOP THERE??? You could play a whole week simulation of this trying to get all kinds of different scenes hooking everyone up and ---

Yeah, this is why I can't think of ideas properly XDDD

But I do think at least just the 'seduce your boss' scenario would make a good little stand-alone game, especially if there were a lot of outcomes.

And I think if I was ambitious enough about it, it wouldn't be too bad to have a few options of what to do with your evening so you could go for different guys instead of the boss, each just being a pretty similar type of thing to each other (talk them up a bit, go to the hotel room, seduce them over some cards and drinks).

I figured if I made a game like that, you could also have a free-play mode where instead of dealing with the whole 'scenario mode' you could just play some quick games of strip poker with no context (though this wouldn't have all the sex scenes available, pretty much just a strip game).

I think that sounds like a pretty solid game, even if it ended up just being once scenario. I don't think it'd be that hard to start out building just that, then add on a couple extra scenarios later if I felt up to it, as well as a free-play mode. Definitely wouldn't go as far as the convoluted multi-hooking-up system or whole-week scenario LOL.

I'd like to actually make a lot of games like this, because I have a lot more ideas than just the hotel scenario. I'd also like to make a game like this where there are a variety of gender options among your potential partners. I have an idea for an office-themed game where you actually can organize group action lmao. And like, other settings too than just office (I just like office attire, OK???) including like medieval-fantasy type setting. But those are less developed and I've actually thought a lot about this hotel-boss thing XD

I feel motivated and have a lot of... energy? the last few days (despite also feeling tired idk) but I'm having trouble concentrating and calming myself down. I keep getting distracted and lost in thoughts even just trying to write this post. IDK how long I've been trying to type this out 9_9

Anyway, probably my biggest downfall to making stuff in general is that no one sees it because I'm very unsocial LOL. I've abandoned my FurAffinity and y!Gallery accounts (I mean, they're still there, but I certainly don't use them LOL). Maybe I can get myself back into them the way I got back into lj XDDD but yeah even when I was there I wasn't as social as most people? So if I made a game and even if it was good, no one would see it XD The key to being a successful creator honestly is networking. The reason a lot of popular artists are able to sell their stuff isn't necessarily the quality of their work, but moreso their dedication to making sure people see it. Some people just do it naturally. And some people are terrible at it even when they put effort into it, like me XD

But yeah, honestly, that shouldn't stop me from creating. I also think if you create enough stuff and it's good stuff that you put effort into, someone will stumble upon it eventually and share it. But if you don't create anything, no one will see it because there's nothing to see lol. So you at least have to create it...

Anyway yeah. For now my biggest block to creating this game is I don't have enough confidence in my art to create the images for the game XD I can't draw characters on-model, even my own characters. So it would look horrible and inconsistent. I guess I just have to keep at it... if it looks bad, redraw it XD

Ummm the end. I don't really have anything else to say but IDK how to end this post LOL

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-21 08:14 pm
SUggggghhhh I've had a headache for most of the day. I was actually okay when I got up, and when we went to the laundromat, but for some reason after that, it's been pretty terrible. I had to help my dad carry a lot of stuff to his car (many trips) and that made it worse, but at least I got my exercise for the day? That was hours ago and my head is still bad lol. I usually have headaches for entire days though, soo...

I was able to take my pill today a lot easier than yesterday. I still had to chew food with it, but I could just do a bit of bread and it was okay.

I've felt a bit anxious and had trouble concentrating/focusing all day. Sorta like yesterday. Increased anxiety is a side-effect of this drug so I hope it's not giving me anxiety. That's the opposite of what I need it to do lol. But I mean, I have these kinds of days normally so I'm not gonna blame it on the meds when this is only the 2nd day.

Netflix's "black screen" DRM screenshot protection has evolved to Windows 10 it seems. So I can't take screencaps of Trek while I'm watching it. It's very sad. I tried watching some today since headache is making it hard to play games. But honestly even that was hard to do. I kind of want to sleep.

I'm microwaving this weird like... family platter thing of turkey and gravy, like a frozen meat thing... it's supposed to feed a family but I'm just going to eat it. Myself. By itself. There's no other food here. Maybe after eating it I'll go to bed early. Like super early. IDK what else to do with myself.

Though I haven't been sleeping well, either. I keep feeling anxious and like as soon as I'm about to fully fall asleep I kind of jump awake. Just a bit so I start falling back asleep right away again. Been doing this last three nights (even before starting medication) sooo yeah lol. This is a normal anxiety thing too. I'm probably just still needing time to get over the like month-long stress I worked up about going to the doctor.

I just went to stir the turkey thing and it's gross-looking. They're like little turkey... discs? IDK but they look gross LOL. Maybe I'll try putting them over some toast. Actually we don't have bread. Just kidding. I guess I'll just put them in a bowl and eat them, IDK.

My headache is getting worse just writing this??? Though it might be staring at this white screen, as well as getting up and going to the kitchen a couple times (movement makes it worse). Sigh. I just want to eat and lay down :(

I tried to play LegLeg today but my head :( Actually now that I think of it, I did have the headache at the laundromat? But not during the first part of when I was there. I think it started after I had some coffee. I would say 'maybe caffeine and this medicine don't mix well' but I had tea yesterday, so IDK. I wish headaches weren't so debilitating to me.

I finished eating and I'm ready to die lol. It's getting dark so I'm going to drink the water I still have at my desk and go to bed. At like 8PM lol.

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-21 02:43 am
I started my third challenge run of UNLIMITED:Saga :O

The rulesCollapse )

Anyway, the following is going to be only the very beginning of Ruby's story, and I'll talk a bit about the game mechanics as well. I'm not going to say anything to spoil anything further in her story, and with 7 stories in the game and this being just the very beginning, there's REALLY not much being spoiled here. So if you want to learn a bit about this game and see what it's like, please read on~

I super love this game XDDDCollapse )

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Current Music: POCARI ステューシー - Style

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-20 11:59 pm
Major spoilers for Ys: The Oath in Felghana...

A little Ys progress...Collapse )

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-20 12:21 am
Well, I posted about it on FB but doctor went well. It's been quite a ride getting to this point but I got there. There's still a lot to do but I feel accomplished.

I'm going to get tested for a lot of things but for now I guess just working on lifestyle changes a bit at a time, and trying out a medication for now that might?? help with anxiety?? Though I'm not sure. I'm going to try to start it tomorrow. The doctor wasn't particularly adamant about me trying it but said I could if I wanted to, and to just stop if it isn't helpful or if there's bad things lol.

I still have never learned how to swallow pills though...?! So I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'll cross that hurdle tomorrow I guess.

I played FFEX today a lot and I cleared the game, among other things. Apparently it is required of me to watch the credits roll and listen to the faint, poor-quality noise coming out of the 3DS that I can barely hear and I should feel bad for not wanting to replay the whole ending thing again right this moment even after playing it pretty much all day and finally stopping... I think this kind of guilt/pressure is a big reason why I don't like to play this game so much because the game is a source of stress instead of entertainment lol. I cleared the game so IDK how motivated I will be to continue XD At least after clearing it I kept playing and wanted to try collecting more things and going on (there's a ton of post-game content) but now that I have Obligations™ with the game I feel demotivated to keep playing XD

Other than that I didn't do much today? I had a pizza? Going to the doctor was kind of exhausting honestly. Plus all the walking. It's kind of a far walk back. And I had to stop at the drug store and the grocery on the way back.

Anyway I'm going to at least work on sleeping well (IDK how I can really improve this; I already do all the things you're 'supposed' to do) and trying to do some exercise everyday, and keep a health journal... probably here but in private posts. I wasn't told to do that but I just want to do it myself, I guess.

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-19 10:56 am
Well, I am at the doctor's office. Now that I am actually HERE I am feeling significantly less anxious. I have my list of things, my paperwork is done... Pretty much everything from here on out is waiting and following directions, which is easy for me? I think at this point I largely know what to expect, I guess. Stuff like finding a new building and talking to a receptionist are the hardest part.

I am a bit worried I might not get to talk about the things I want to talk about? But I don't think it will really be a problem I guess. If somehow I don't manage to talk about it, there is always the self-referral route (which very surprisingly, is covered by my insurance) or making another appointment, I guess.

My hands are still really sweaty and holding my phone is not helping hahaha. But it is helping me stay calm. I feel like I need to sneeze but I don't want to sneeze around people. There are like 6 other people in the lobby here?! And like I sat off in an area by myself (it is kinda L-shaped and I am in the other corner than everyone was when I got here) and then someone came and sat right next to me??? Oh, nvm, I just realized they are with someone who is in a wheelchair and the space next to this row of chairs is empty so it is good for wheelchairs. I guess I picked a bad spot haha.

My bag kind of smells bad. I mean it is a bag so I have never washed it? I never really thought about it. Maybe I should try to wash it...? It is old and falling apart though (like Jennifer's jacket) so I don't want it to just like get shredded in a washing machine?

I am worried my breath will smell bad even though I brushed like 3 times this morning before coming. I have gum but I don't want to chew it and have to spit it out later because I don't want to ask where a trash can is and I don't want to just spit it in there without like a tissue or something. Oh, I guess I would have the wrapper.

Hmm, I should probably stop using my phone and bring up my list, since I never wrote it on paper. I don't want my phone battery to die. Not that I am very worried about that, since it had full charge when I got here. Lol at this point I am just rambling to stay calm? I am starting to get a little more anxious. Not nearly as bad as I was before getting here or leading up to today (I have pretty much been non-stop anxious for like a month lol...)

I really wish there wasn't a tv playing in here lol. I have been thinking about trying to find earplugs and those like sound-cancelling ear...cover things (like looks like headphones/earmuffs but idk what it is called) since sound sensitivity is a big thing to me. Ah, less than 10 minutes left--!!

I am kinda excited about seeing the doctor actually. It has been since I was a child though. I think I will actually get off the phone now because my hands are getting uncomfortable. Should have charged the Surface lolol. (omfg now someone is talking kinda loud on the phone and it is making me really anxious X_X It is like physically painful?)

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-19 01:12 am
Oh yeah, I watched the Colts game today, and all my boyfriends got at least 1 good play so I was happy with that (actually they all got like literally one except Hilton who always gets lots). Overall I think we did... okay... but not really that good. I was kinda disappointed and it was another loss. I don't really have a lot to say about it, I guess.

Here's a really cool thing that happened, though. I'm still really impressed by it. To imagine all the quick thinking and body control that went into that very brief moment... it's amazing XD

Jaguars had a miserable game today hahaha.

Wish I could have seen the Tennessee game... seemed pretty exciting?

Texans won again so they're leading the division. Not a lot of highlights from that game, it seems, though, so IDK what it was like.

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-18 10:34 pm
I need to stop going to the lj homepage (like I only go on accident -- I need to make sure I always go to my lj as my hub lol) because the promoted posts often have really annoying things on them lol.

Tomorrow morning is my doctor's appointment. I'm like Lv4000 nervous. I've been meaning to make a list of things I want to discuss but hahahahahahahahaha I didn't which is why I need to go to the doctor because I can't even do basic things. But in my defense (?) I have had a really abnormal and hectic week.

I also kinda wanted to start a 'health journal' of sorts in which I describe in detail symptoms and things I'm unable to do because of my health.

For example something I definitely want to mention, OK, then the rest of this is just me sorting out my thoughts of what I want to talk about tomorrow and I mostly wrote this for myself and it"s really long so don"t read it XDCollapse )

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-18 04:10 pm
Well, I finally got to watch the SaGa SCARLET GRACE stage presentation from Tokyo Game Show. It happened last night at like 230AM so it was after my bedtime here lol >_>

I... have some very mixed feelings about this game lol.

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-18 12:08 am
Yet again, Ys. Things actually happened this time XD And I met a new cute old man XD

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The TGS FF12 presentation is in less than an hour~~ I'm not going to be able to stay up for the SaGa SCARLET GRACE one though >_>; I don't think the FF12 one is going to be that great -- I think they're mostly going to be talking about the development of the original FF12..????? IDK why since it's so old now LOL why not talk about the new one?!?

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Thaao Hanshew
2016-09-17 07:01 pm
More Ys :P Nothing really story-related though.

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